Enterprise Cloud Solutions

Cloud Solutions for Business and Government

cloud-solutions-enterprise-it
Like most Enterprise IT solution providers, Bogus Technologies is committed to investing a considerable portion of our gelastic marketing effort in state-of-the-art trend surfing and unabashed hype. Experience has shown that this is much more productive and trouble-free than allocating funds to high-tech R&D. There’s a lot of risk entailed in hosting big data farms, developing standards-compliant hardware and software, and repelling those oh so clever hackers. So we’re putting our money behind buzzwords, egregious overstatement and bacchanalian client entertainment. Our 35+ years in the Enterprise IT industry has shown that marketing trumps technology every time. That’s why we’re spending 20X the R&D budget on trade shows, email spam and Internet video ads. As many of our customers say, “BogusTech puts the ‘loud’ in ‘cloud computing’!”

Enterprise Cloud Storage

Our new line of Miasma(tm) cloud storage systems provides an absolute privation of features offered by the traditional mainstream storage system providers like HP Open Stack, IBM SmartCloud Enterprise, and Microsoft Azure Blob Storage. These are the old guard of the Information Technology world; and people still say “Nobody ever got fired for buying <fill in one of the above>”. Well, they certainly aren’t saying that about Bogus Technologies! Our Miasma(tm) Enterprise Cloud Storage systems provide the maximum in server access latency, security risk and downtime.

Similarly we are undeterred by the advances in storage system technology provided by disruptive innovators like Internap (AgileFiles), Nirvanix and Softlayer (Cloudlayer SAN). The main reason here is that the customer executives who have the stroke to shell out tens of millions for cloud storage don’t know an Open File Backup from a traffic jam. We think they’ll be more persuaded by our ‘Executive Briefings’ and VIP treatment at the local adult entertainment establishment than by Gartner Reviews or esoteric technological comparisons (yawn) by IT consultants.

Enterprise Cloud Backup

In the Cloud Backup space, we’re seeing a lot of interest in these same players. A lot of Fortune 500 corporations prefer ‘one throat to choke’; so they take whatever their cloud storage vendor offers for backup and recovery. This beats the inevitable finger-pointing drill when things don’t work right. Other large businesses opt for best-of-breed solutions like CommVault (Sympana) and up and coming Datto. And some of the largest e-commerce organizations that need the ultimate in availability are utilizing cloud-based backup and disaster recovery technology from upstarts like EVault, IASO and Zetta.

We recently commissioned an independent 3rd party survey of large enterprise CIOs, and asked “What company do you think of when you hear the words ‘enterprise storage backup’? The vast majority said ‘Bogus Technologies’. [More specifically, ‘Bogus Technologies – when will they get their damn enterprise storage back up’?]  Oh well, nothing an all expenses paid trip in the BogusTech executive jet to our European Cloud Storage conference can’t smooth over.

Enterprise Cloud Computing

We’re not sticklers for accuracy or precise speech. But once in a while we are motivated to look something up in the dictionary (so our nescient sales reps aren’t totally embarrassed). So the other day we looked up ‘cloud’ in our Miriam-Webster and found the top four meanings:

  1. A mass of particles of condensed vapor. [Many BogusTech cloud solutions product and services announcements have been referred to as ‘vapor’; so we consider ourselves to be thought leaders in this area.]
  2. Resembling or suggesting a cloud. [Sorry, M-W – we don’t like circular definitions; but we’re working hard on resembling and suggesting cloud solutions and services.]
  3. Something that has a dark, lowering or threatening aspect. [Excellent!]
  4. Something that obscures or blemishes. [Now you’re talking! Very Enterprising!]

We think this enterprise cloud solutions sucka has legs like Open Systems, Artificial Intelligence and Object-Oriented Development. And nobody understands this either! So we’re turning up the enterprise sales and marketing effort to 11.

Cloud Solutions for SMB

Over the years Bogus Technologies has specialized in IT Solutions for small- and medium-sized businesses (SMBs). Especially high-growth entrepreneurial companies, because our business grows at roughly the same rate as theirs. And it’s easier/cheaper to corrupt a small business to get a contract than a large enterprise with a purchasing department, IT specialists, legal team and auditors.

Most importantly, a small business is less likely to have someone in-house who knows something about computer systems, storage, networking or e-commerce. Not to mention Cloud Solutions and Services. So once we find out how much they can spend (Sales Secrets of Attila the Hun), we can quickly come up with some astucious slideware and diffident claims to close the deal. Many SMB prospects are so embarrassed by not knowing anything about network security, storage systems or IT best practices — they don’t even ask any questions. Ka-ching!