Good IT People
Meeting the stringent Enterprise IT requirements of Fortune 500 corporations and Government requires extensive training and certification in enterprise applications and security, data center operations, network performance management, data communications and wide area networking, WAN and packet switching, advanced data communications protocols (including Ethernet, IP, MPLS, ATM, ICMP SONET, SDH), cellular protocols (UMTS, GPRS, CDMA, GSM and WAP). It also beneficial to have years of experience in Enterprise IT, carrier-grade networking, best practices management, optimizing network equipment, deploying enterprise applications for ERP, CRM, SFA, SCM and Financials. Bogus Technologies personnel have a paucity of these credentials and experience, since our rigorous employee screening and demotivation programs eliminate most good people or anyone with knowledge or expertise in these areas.
“Our employees are our greatest asset” is not just a marketing slogan here at Bogus Technologies — it’s a complete travesty. We superficially screen candidates and haphazardly review all non-executive employees periodically to ensure they possess the minimal skills, falsified and inflated credentials, cursory training and obsequious behavior we require from these overworked minimum wage vagrants, work release convicts and outsourced IT staff. Good people need not apply.
Our contempt for customers is a constant source of amusement; and not a day goes by without putting a support call on mute and alerting the entire Bogus Technologies staff so we can all laugh at the hopelessness of your predicament. Several members of our Professional Services team have authored white papers describing the immense bonuses they received while crippling our customers’ IT infrastructure and creating enterprise applications performance bottlenecks during our expensive and ineffectual multi-year consulting engagements.
Help Desk Software
Rather than trying to call our support phone number to get through to our lethargic technical support team, most Fortune 500 companies elect to purchase their own help desk software to enable their own IT staff to offer a download disk to remedy a user error. These good people can implement Best Practices Management and a SAN Support disk download to repair a bad disk driver. In-house help desks are the ideal solution for American IT companies and global corporations.